Wednesday, August 25, 2010

NJ Shore & cappucccccchino

Firstly, my photo taken at the beach @ Donnovan's Reef in Sea Bright NJ this past weekend.
Secondly, I believe I may have personally offended a hasidic Jewish man this morning by having a bit too much fun with a lint roller. But must blame v. new & exciting Black Dog Cafe sweatshirt (from MV) for lint as it stuck to my kelly green tank top style shirt & black trousers.
Thirdly, due to incliment/intolerable weather almost fell prey to the starf*ckers cappucchino trap this AM. I usually order:
Sugar free
Extra Shot
Extra Hot
No whip
No foam
But realized will not spend $6 on a cup of hot milk. Plus line = totally insane. What is wrong w/ people? Standing in line waiting to throw away $$$ for Wha??

Cannot quite believe extent to which cappuccinos have taken over people's lives, giving certain city areas appearance of Communist or war-torn cultures with people standing patiently in huge queues for hours as if waiting for bread in Sarajevo while others sweat, roasting and grinding beans, banging metal things full of gunge around, with steam hissing.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

These pretzels are making me thirsty

12:58pm Not just a Seinfeldian line anymore! Its true, this snack sized bag of Rold Gold *tiny twists* is giving me thirst issues. Would get diet coke if not chained to desk as am super receptionist/legal biller who is far too responsible to remove self from station.

1:02pm Have employed fellow employee to sort out fizzy beverage situation. I now need this diet coke in an effort to prevent myself from eating entire bag of roldgold, which I only started eating to stave off hunger as lunch isn't for another 58 minutes. Hm.. feel odd with travel size pretzels and frosty diet coke, surley must be on airplane, not at work?

1:10pm No longer hungry for lunch. Maybe will not eat lunch in effort to a. try out the CV diet b. save room for dinner- Dave&Busters is 3000 calories waiting to happen esp. if the adults engage in a drink or 2*

(*or 8)

1:16pm Asked for work and received large stack of papers. Grr. Thinking I should work through lunch to resolve work load, should have bought salad that was averted by eating pretzels and drinking dc?

1:18pm Leering at stack of paper, contrary to popular belief, is not reducing size. Although if that worked would have thighs size of bendy straws.

1:24pm Have firmly resolved to take lunch hour inspite of guilt and eat like proper adult, at table v. hunched over desk while working. typing. lettuce. phone ringing. tomato flying across desk. legal document. dirty napkin. fork. highlighter.

1:27pm Where to go for lunch?

1:30pm Reminder of taking building photo for passcard. Ew, look haggard.

1:40pm Leering has backfired and documents have doubled in size. Unruly stack.

1:46pm Contemplating merit of eating at other person's desk while working through lunch as stack clearly has the advantage in this situation. No answering phones. no flying lettuce. no greeting clients with poka-dot teeth from fresh cracked pepper in salad. Accomplish task while mainting 6pm exit stratagey to get to Dave&Busters for what is sure to be 8* adult beverages.


1:48pm Apply make up for photo.

1:49pm Where is make up?

1:50pm Posing for photo in 10 minutes. WHERE IS MAKE UP?

To be continued...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The trouble with living alone

Plunge into a spiral, thinking: Oh God, I'm a schizophrenic/frigid/nymphomaniac/alcoholic/have MS and must stay under the duvet.
Clearly one cannot say, pick up cell and ring anyone who will answer when having a pseudo-paranoid thought. Wait... is it paranoid? Am I paranoid for thinking thoughts are paranoid? And so on.
Always best to keep to yourself, say, that you laid on the couch for 3 hours last night taking pulse (to make sure you still have one) while watching 'Real Housewives NJ' (because if anyone deserves to be dead, its them) and drinking red wine (since the surgeon general suggested is good for heart health). That for example is the type of thing I would never call and admit to doing.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Martha's Vineyard

Martha's Vineyard...

What can I say? 300 pictures, 4 beaches, 1 pool, 8 million shops, 10 galleries, 6 lobsters and 1 attack by rose bush later and Im back. Its been almost a week (insert look of horror here) since paradise and I feel once again, as if I never left. Everything is back to "normal".

Well, normal if you think that being surprised by a 'Little Mermaid' Rug at 9:45pm for your living room is normal, than sure! Welcome to my world.

If anyone is planning on going to MV any time soon, you must, M.U.S.T. go to Larsen's Fish Market in Chilmark. Best lobster of my life. Sitting on the dock outside, no table, no wine glasses, watching the sun set. sweeeeeeet.

Friday, August 6, 2010

My Bed

This is my bed.... Welcome to my bedroom... Yes, I know, I need more pillows & clearly that glass of wine is empty so that needs to be rectified.. but yeah.

Love You.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

thanks Andy Warhol

Firstly, let me say that... my landlord, her boyfriend, my housemate and her friend X (not real name obv.) are all awesome to party with on a Tuesday night. Who knew that hanging mirrors could be so much fun? Who knew you could get 6 glasses of wine out of one bottle?

Not I.

Who knew the pimply faced youth with the crazy hair so was blatantly staring at me the whole 7:57 train ride in this morning.. would be so polite as to let me off the train first?

Speaking of hair, I need a haircut something fierce. And I think I'm going to do it.. go to the Jean Louis David downstairs in my building after work and just do it..

the ultimate masochistic act that is: a cheap haircut!

gasp. After using the loo at work- I realised how terrible my hair actually looks, that is why he was staring. v. bad. how many other people were staring? or thinking.. wow, I'm lucky b/c I don't have hair like that.

So.. birthday weekend.. vacation weekend.. new haircut weekend? I think so! I think I'm going to do it!

************by the by: I found the original Bridget Jones newspaper columns from 1995.. If anyone is intrested... email me & I'll send you the link!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


We went.
We saw.
We conquered the treadmill for about 2o minutes aka 2 miles. The TV on my treadmill was busted so I was staring at a green screen while running and flailing my arms.. Thriller style.. Must have looked v. similar to when they did the in-house-studio-shots for the matrix:

Arms flailing about legs akimbo and green screen.

I'm wondering where I spent more time.. in the shower or on the treadmill? Of course this has brought me to the realization that I:

A. need a lock
B. need to not wear expensive jewelry to work
C. need mucinex or some kind of cough medicine
D. need to wear a dress or easy assembly clothing every day
E. need to suck it up and drive to LA Fitness in the morning.. or just run outside

But I committed to 3 days at this gym & 3 work-outs I shall have

new gym?

And That my good friends... is called Sunday Afternoon

Sunday afternoons such as these kind of prevents one from taking on more productive pursuits such as.. Oh, lets say.. unpacking one's room after they move.. running.. making phone calls re: said move.. reading the manual on your refrigerator to make sure you don't turn the dial, oh lets say to 9 and freeze all your food? And ruin it..

But it seems one must partake in Sunday afternoons like this when your neighbour and friend of many years invites you to his home.. when he lives 4 doors down (on the same side of the block). Certainly it would be impolite and rude to turn down both (Bloody) Mary and Anonymous friend-- thereby hurting 2 peoples feelings.

Procrastination continues.. until.. yesterday at lunch when D & I went to the gym in my bldg.


Understood that not joining a gym located IN my bldg is the height of laziness (esp. when I have a free pass for the month of Aug).. but I've gotta think about it.. try it out & just really:

Force Myself To Gym-It at Lunch EVERY DAY.

Even though I have a nasty cold.. even though I am sans the LV garment bag (of my dreams) which as we all know would make going to the gym so much more stylish!! I will press on in the hopes that a loyal reader will take pity on me while acknowledging my dreams of running/fitness/healthy-lifestyle-ness and buy me my LV garment bag! Then I can write about them, how fabulous they are.. create instant Internet celebrity for them and put them on the cover of People magazine!

Thank you yet to be named high-end-leather-goods-benefactor!

Monday, August 2, 2010

omfg. That did not just happen to me.

OMG. You won’t believe…

so SOMEONE in an effort to save me time and make my life easier.. took a whole ton of garbage-unsorted- to THEIR house where you don't really have to sort and they don't go through your trash whatever.. Well.. instead it was randomly dumped it in a garbage can on the street in the next town over..


my address was in there. My Mom’s address was in there.. They went to her house then The department of sanitation showed up to my apt LOOKING FOR ME THIS MORNING.

My landlord just called & was like.. Um. The department of sanitation is HERE looking for you.. I was like WHAT?

SHE TALKED THEM OUT OF GIVING ME A FINE.. I am stunned. I had NO idea what she was talking about. I've been there 2 days & a government agency shows up looking for me? She must have been scared out of her mind and not very happy.

I have a cold from the mix of all the dust in that room.. hadn't been cleaned in YEARS.. and the bleach I used to get rid of the dust.. My lungs are not happy.. I'm coughing so hard that i almost threw up in my garbage can here at my desk.

And that is today.. in a nutshell.