? ? ?

What is going on? My head is spinning and not in a I'm going to throw up, have a hang over or feel like I'm coming down with something kind of way (which I actually do feel like I'm getting sick- I think its the stress).

I'm really feeling awkward today & am having a hard time putting it together.

And Verizon JUST called me and I owe them $226.88 ARE YOU SERIOUS? How is that even possible? God, that makes me seem like some type of degenerate who doesn't pay their bill?? I have to call them, this is out of control.

I need to buy pillows for my bed b/c I only have one and that is not going to work.
I need to buy an extension cord & a power strip for my tv/dvd/cable.
I need to buy lunch even though I swore up and down that I wouldn't be doing that.
I need to go to the bank and take out $xxx.xx.
I need to go to NYSC and check out the gym.
I need to get a parking spot in front of my building tonight @ 7 to load up my car.
I need to not just have paid verizon $200.
I need to take last years un-given Christmas presents out of the bar (don't ask).
I need to go to CVS and buy cleaning products to bleach the ---- out of my new apt tomorrow.
I need to buy bleach b/c I love the way it smells & I put it on everything.
I need to buy dinner b/c I have no food in my current apt.
I need to buy a bottle of wine.
lie.
I need to buy 3 bottles of wine (for tonight).
I need to buy 3 bottles of wine for tomorrow.
I need to invent an alcohol poisoning detector kit because I'm going to need it.
I need to buy towels.. because my monogrammed towels won't arrive in time.
I need a thermometer b/c I'm pretty sure I have a fever.
I need to not spend over $1000 today and I guarantee you that I will spend more.
I need a ring pop.


I need to relax.

Beers & Tears

Not sure if it was the inappropriate mixture of wine in a box (see above) and Bud Light that caused me to cry myself to sleep last night... or... the fact that I will only be sleeping there for 2 more nights? But whatever it was, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Just an overwhelming feeling of sadness that could not be tamed. I thought I would be nothing short of overjoyed but it seems.. this unanticipated anxiety is a force to be reckoned with.

Onwards! I have just received a free month's membership to the NYSC in my building. Fabulous.. just the kick in the skirt I need to run at lunch. I have a stunning flat screen tv (just short of assembly) that I will be watching Saturday morning while I wait for my bed- Im not sure what I'll be in the mood to watch?? Maybe 'Marie Antoinette' or 'The Painted Veil' or.... some 'Arrested Development' whatever it is.. It doesn't really matter b/c its a dvd off my choosing. Luckily for moi, the one thing I didn't have to buy was a dvd player.. I have my very own ghetto dvd/vcr player. That's right.. VCR! Who owns a vcr?

I almost feel that I have to be closeted about this ownership. Dare I admit that I actually own vhs cassette tapes? Gasp. Not that I am a proponent of them in any way.shape.or.form. but sometimes, when is a classic & you've had it (for what seems like) ages its hard to let go. Home Alone for example, I will not get rid of that tape! Why? I couldn't tell you. Perhaps it evokes memories of childhood, thanksgiving, sitting way too close to the tv on the floor with popcorn? Who knows.. but there is something almost sacred about that tape.. and really that's why I bought the combo player-- and -- why I still have it. I don't care to align myself with the toothless, denim overall-ed yokel's that I mentally assign to be proud owners of VCR players, believing them to be the latest in motion picture viewing.. but I have to admit.. I do own a vcr. Maybe I'll watch Home Alone on Saturday morning? Create a new memory.

Random statement of the day:

Team Nosferatu!

Spandex is not for everyone

What would happen I wonder.. If I was improper enough in buseiness, blog or personale to not use teh spell check? Surely it would begin to annoy a reader, look obnoxious and right off teh bat be totally W.R.O.N.G.

Well, folks (all typo's aside) that is how I feel about spandex pants or leggings as they are so popularly referred to now. I believe 'spandex' evokes a kind of late 80's early 90's Raquel Welch work out video image and G-d forbid we call a spade a spade and remind ourselves that it wasn't acceptable to dress like this back then and it certainly isn't acceptable now- esp. for those of us on our 2nd go around in this stretchy, curve loving fabric.

So, Im standing on the escalator, on the right hand side: (this is important) for those of you who don't know the right side is for people who choose to stand still and ride the escalator vs. left hand side are people who walk up the escalator (v. similar to stairmaster or similar). As am wearing quite a short dress I do not want people staring at my thighs or noticing that my garment is kind of lacking fabric. Having afforded myself 3 full minutes of free time, I notice what people are wearing as they stairmaster past me- lo and behold.. 6 people wearing "leggings" and im sorry.. different heights, weights, cankles, ethnicities, what have you -


VISUAL ASSAULT.



They did not look good on anyone!!

Yikes, I don't know what kind of body dismorphia these people have but I implore you.. do not wear spandex pants in public. I don't care that you have a schmancy top on and accessorized with a tacky gold belt and russel-crowe-gladiator-sandals. It still isn't OK.

Wear it to the gym.. Wear it to bed.. wear it in your home.. to yoga & ballet class! Not to work. How can anyone take you seriously if you are wearing spandex in a corporate environment?

Enough of that.. I am in a hideous mood as I purchaced a 37 or was it 40in flat screen tv last night somewhere in the ballpark of -OH its really late, this store is closing and this is NOT the time to be doing this. Now I have to assemble the base tonight and hook up the cable to see if I have to call the cable guy- rather if my landlord has to call to have it hooked it up so it is V. important that I do this ASAP to avoid moving in Sat & not having a tv to watch while I wait for the 1.800.sleepys men to deliver my bed.

The perfect case scenario:

I am watching my favourite TV show- which has already been DVR'ed and now I have the inaugural jump on my bed. Yes, I jump on the bed. Every bed I have ever slept on has been jumped on by yours truly.

Further perfection, I give you.. my vacation...

Bueller?

That is the "clean" portion of my desk from earlier on this morning.

Due to a chaotic day.. I am unable to finish:

A) full blog with one complete thought process

2) a complete thought

C) a conversation.. apparently I am now to be moving my TV into my apt tomorrow evening... and the Fridge? Hello.

D) who knows.. im so stressed I might start that bizarre hair pulling syndrome? Tomorrow there will be a photo of bald patch amongst thickly sprouting red hair?

E) in any event.. I am meeting my stunning soon to be married cousin this evening.. anyone with mid-upper east side suggestions?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Organized Chaos & Other Theories

I have that "today is going to be THAT kind of day" feeling. Yes, its beautiful out, its Tuesday so the week is progressing nicely and I am having cocktails with Ashley my most fabulous cousin this evening and even the subway has less-than-stagnant-non-pea-soup air.. but still..

I know you must be thinking to yourselves....Kristen, WHY are you thinking so negatively, its only 10:16!!!!!!!!

Fear not, I will share my woes.

1. No time for tea @ Diego's this morning, don't like being on train sans morning beverage
2. Sat next to what must be the most sexually frustrated man in the universe on LIRR, hemming & hawing at his blackberry. Scrolling around in a furious manner at what seemed to be: the answer to world peace? sustainable energy resources for all 3rd world countries? creating the ultimate coupon that works at every store with absolutely no expiration date? No, he was playing brickbreaker. Now I must admit.. He was the spitting image of Judd Nelson (from 'St. Elmo's Fire' one of the best films of all time) and he was V. smartly dressed which added to his appeal so I sat gingerly next to him as to not disturb his important cellphone business. I then became mildly disturbed as I sensed how increasingly heated he was becoming: patting down his slicked back greasy quaff, wiping the sweat off his upper lip, tugging at his tie. I responded by edging further towards the isle and got whacked in the head (& elbow) by a large woman in a leopard print moo-moo.
3. (Have taken 4 Advil as result of moo-moo assault)
4. Have answered the phone 67 times since 9:05. Yes I am keeping a tally
5. My desk is- well, organized chaos at best.. there is only one "clean" section and that's pushing it
6. My boss isn't here so real work hasn't actually started yet.. just interim work lets call it
7. I have a residual nervous-jittery feeling that I can't shake courtesy of Faux Mr. Nelson
8. Am missing my 'work' heels.. stuck in men's reefs for the day. How does that work in a corporate environment? Pearl necklace, little black dress and $20 men's sandals?
9. I am now the proud owner of a mini-fridge that is trapped in the trunk of someone's car with no prospects of escape, which makes me V. nervous
10. Have begun to scratch my chest as am breaking out in hives.. If I apply even preassure, I can make it look like I have a tan. Not hives. Must be diligent in scratching going forward

Deep breath.

Only 10:48

Laundry Night

This is the last bin of laundry I will ever do at my apartment

Maybe I should have put my underwear on the bottom?

4 Days

I am moving in 4 days. This should be interesting, it's been almost a year since I moved last.. Guerrilla-style-warfare-move.. 1 hour.. 2 friends & 10 plastic bins ala Bed, Bath & Beyond and boom. 28 years of life scooped up in 59 minutes or less.

This time however, I am starting from scratch, not moving into a fully furnished apt.. but into a empty space a blank canvas if you will... Or a rust colored, textured wallpapered, grey-ish carpeted, dusty-70's inspired canvas.

At the very least I have purchased lightly colored items, lamps, couch w/ matching ottoman, area rug, side tables, blankets/sheets & dust ruffle. Things are really coming together, I have been channeling Rachel Ashwell in fact.. If I remember correctly, the bedding I purchased IS Rachel Ashwell 'Shabby Chic' collection! My brain has stopped functioning.. between moving, new job with tons of OT and well other things.. secretive things that I refuse to divulge at the moment.. I have a LOT going on. Not to mention that next weekend is my Birthday? And I'm going to Martha's Vineyard (insert fantastic smile here).

So really, I have been channelling a lot of people for advice:

*Rachel Ashwell for style & aesthetics
*Donald Trump for finances
*Martha Stewart & Bethenny Frankel-Hoppy for A Type personality suggestions
*The Dalai Lama for spiritual guidance
*Elizabeth Gilbert for "let it all go" emotional support
(and if you have not already- I seriously suggest you read Eat Pray Love!)

Im hoping that its working.. many good things have started coming together and I feel so blessed (and mildly overwhelmed) that they are all happening at once. Guess its true: when it rains, it pours.

Tonight, however. I am headed home with my roll of quarters- I will be doing massive amounts of laundry.. I sorted it out, 23 days, yes, shameful. Haven't done laundry in 23 days. Also is V. disgusting and you're probably thinking you must be dirtier than a homeless person in Calcutta. But no, I actually own that much stuff.. and no, I have not run out of underwear yet.
(Impressive.) These loads of laundry are a milestone b/c they will be the last ever washed in the Manor House... sigh of sadness and joy...

And now. Back to writing my letter to the lovely chuteassis.blogspot.com
Which is how I started my own blog, Thank you for continuing to inspire me to try new things!
Love you!

xoxo